Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009 Broke in Detroit Awards

Most Overplayed Bro-mance Award: Jasper and Never Silent Bob (Will someone buy that guy a trench coat already?)

Biggest Case of a Hipster Calling the Kettle a Hipster Award: Lazersharkz

Can’t Believe They’re Still In Business Award: Painted Lady

Hubris Award: Ryan Allen, for the time that he reminded everyone that a music blog was named after one of his songs, on said music blog, just before he jerked off to the site of himself in the mirror

Perhaps We Judged Him Too Harshly Award: That guy that bought The Lager House

Blog is Better Known than their Music Award: The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre

Coup D’Etat Award: Computer Perfection, for taking all the blog coverage that used to belong to Deastro

Venue with an Atmosphere Most Resembling a High School Cafeteria Award: The Belmont

Thank God We Don’t Have To See Them Promoting Themselves Anymore Award: Riff2

Do We Really Have a Venue Shortage Award: The renovated Majestic Cafe

Sadly Absent from the Internets this Year: Jeremy Freer

Venue with a Staff Most Determined to Look Hip at the Expense of Earning Tips Award: Cliff Bells

Totally Unsurprising Death Award: Detour

Pulled From the wreckage for our Benefit Award: Detour’s renamed music festival

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Scenester Douchetard of the Week: Craig Brown

"Ironic mustache rides for a dollar!"

Craig Brown, you sure have a full dance card. You perform with Terrible Twos, The Mahonies, FASHION, Brownstown Gals, and Kelly Jean Caldwell. Your omnipresence on the scene has truly cemented yourself a place in it. All those poseurs with their one band and one band only shtick need to take a lesson from you.

When most people are performing on stage, they sweat profusely and become dehydrated. They often feel the need to replenish fluids between songs. Not you, Craig Brown. You’re so flush with fluids you spit all over the stage as you perform. Your super secretion skills are a wonder to behold. There are many doctors at the Mayo Clinic who’d like to study you, but you wouldn’t be caught dead with that crowd.

Craig Brown, for all these reason and more, you are Broke in Detroit’s Scenester Douchetard of the Week.