Friday, January 22, 2010

My First Giveaway Contest Ever: The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre

The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre is having a show at The Majestic CafĂ© on January 29th, and I’m giving away a pair of tickets. As I do more and more contests, I’ll get to know more and more local band members on a personal basis. I’ll start to regularly show up on guest lists, and bands will start to rely on me as one of several outlets to get the word out about their shows. Over time, I’ll be less critical of the band members putting me on their guest lists. Later on, I’ll be less critical of bands that are friends of the band members I know, for fear that I’ll be removed from guest lists if I offend them. Eventually, I’ll be too afraid to be anything less than flattering to the twice removed cousin of anyone with the slightest pull over a guest list. So I guess that makes this posting the beginning of the end of my unfiltered opinions.

Anyways, back to the contest. Send me an email at orvilleoglethorpe{at}gmail{dot}com describing your worst experience at a show where you were the only one paying to get in. Since I’m an internet creepster and you don’t trust me with your email address, feel free to utilize that alias email address that you use for posting and answering those Casual Encounters ads on Craigslist. The winning testimonial will be posted on this blog, and you and a guest will get into The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre’s show on January 29th for free. (Don't worry, at no point will you have to give me your real name)

You could be going to that Haiti relief show next door that night, but don’t bother. MTV and George Clooney are hosting a televised fundraiser, so Haiti’s all taken care of.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Scenester Douchetard of the Week: Zach Weedon

"I hope the photographer is capturing my intenser side"

Zach Weedon, you must feel like the prettiest girl at the prom. You started out with Lee Marvin Computer Arm. Then you got noticed by Danny Kroha, and became a founding member of his new band, The Readies. Not much longer after that, you filled a vacancy in The Dirtbombs left by Troy Gregory. You just can’t be tied down, and you juggle these bands like a playa juggles his stable of hoes.

So you once punched the drummer from Lee Marvin Computer Arm? That’s so intense. Making sure that everyone heard the story about it? Also totally intense. All the effort that you put forth to broadcast how intense you think you are has really paid off. Pretty soon you’ll be getting endorsement deals from Monster Energy Drink, Scion, and Axe Body Spray.

Zach Weedon, for all these reasons and more, you are Broke in Detroit’s Scenester Douchetard of the Week.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Look at this Detroit Hipster

"I'd wear outfits with sleeves if I didn't have to conserve as much material as possible for my indoor scarf collection."

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Scenester Douchetard of the Week: Jeremy Freer

Jeremy Freer, it must have been tough for you to lead a band that’s named after yourself. Sure, it might be easy to replace a drummer or a guitarist. Even easier to replace a bassist. Unfortunately, you reached a point where you could no longer tolerate yourself. Your arrogance, your cattiness, your penchant for starting drama, you just couldn’t take any more of your own shit. After a long and exhaustive search, you just couldn’t find anyone as awesome as yourself to take your place, so you just ended the band. I sure hope you taught yourself an important lesson about interpersonal dynamics.

You seem to be mellowing with age, Jeremy. Back in the day you really knew how to feud with the other scenesters. When Ben Blackwell talked shit about your band on his blog, you chose not to sucker punch him at the Magic Stick. That would’ve have been so derivative. So instead, you kissed him on the mouth. It was a brilliant tactical move, because as everyone knows, Ben Blackwell hates nothing more than cooties.

Jeremy Freer, for all these reasons and more, you are Broke in Detroit’s Scenester Douchetard of the Week.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Look at this Detroit Hipster

At some point, we've all come acrossed a funny website and thought to ourselves, "Why didn't I think of that". Well, instead of bemoaning my lack of creativity, I'll just occasionally plagiarize someone else' concept.

"I just earned my irony merit badge"

Feel free to send pictures of hipsters you come across to orvilleoglethorpe[at]gmail[dot]com. In fact, go ahead and just send me any pictures of people that you think deserved to be mocked, along with the reasons why. It can be the douchebag that always pushes you in order to stand right at the front of the stage, that girl that's always trying way too hard to be the center of attention, or that bartender that ignores you if she thinks you haven't collected enough hip points to be in her presense.