Thursday, September 30, 2010

Scenester Douchetard of the Week: Jason Stollsteimer


"Thanks for not using that other picture of me"

Jason Stollsteimer, I have to apologize for being so late in giving you this award. The vast majority of the scenesterati got together and decided that you were a pariah and a laughing stock, and I’m not entirely sure why. I needed time to understand why you’re so frequently ridiculed. It couldn’t be because of the altercation with He Who Must Not Be Named. What did that have to do with anyone else anyhow? Perhaps if you had been the victor, or outsold your combatant, people would have sympathized with you more. After all, greater success from you would have made an association with you so much more valuable. I suppose there’s a small possibility that your slowly evolving position on who produced what might have something to do with it.

There has to be more than that to generate so much animosity. I’ve done some extensive research, and I think I’ve come up with several other factors. There’s the tax thing. Scenesters hate nothing more than inside traders, embezzlers, and tax cheats. White collar crime gets their blood boiling. Perhaps people are jealous that your song was used for the intro on a cable television drama. When you find out that your own song isn’t going to be used because no network wants to pick up Gary Busey’s sitcom pilot, it really burns your ass to see someone strutting around and making it rain with their FX channel money. There was that one time that you told Marcie Bolen that her hair was "a little too red", and she cried. Totally a dick move. I couldn’t possibly leave out the time that you double dipped into the salsa at Jim Diamond’s house party, which of course resulted in a lawsuit. The lawsuit isn’t for contaminating the salsa, it’s because Jim Diamond believes he played a role in the creation of double dipping, and that he deserves royalties for it.

Jason Stollsteimer, for all these reasons and more, you are Broke in Detroit’s Scenester Douchetard of the Week.

(Everyone, try not to say anything mean about Jason in the comments section. His grandmother might read it)

13 comments:

  1. 1 time he pulled our guest list spots for the raveonettes show at the majestic. then lied about it in front of everyone. then talked about jack white. no lie.

    -jr

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  2. Say what you want about JS but leave Jim diamond out of it or say it to his face.
    He might whoop you ass. Just sayin.

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  3. Jim Diamond is a man of action, huh? Or is it more likely that he'll sue me five years after the fact? Just sayin.

    And why is it there's still no one who wants to speak out for Jason?

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  4. I'll speak out for Jason. Yeah his behaviour at times points to a possible case of Borderline Personality Disorder but he's a talented guy who doesn't get the credit he deserves for the musician he is.

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  5. No one should speak for Jason but Jason. Calling him "Borderline" is no benefit to him. The guy writes his music and wants his profits, if you play with him know that. It's not a personality disorder it's hard cold business. I do need a different name, I don't want to be associated with "Anonymouses" who play armchair. Orville is bad enough at that already.

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  6. BTW it was Eric I was hanging out with last night. Not Jason. They are brothers and look very similar Jon. Nice work. Your spys suk.

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  7. *spies. how annoying.

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  8. Fine, I'll tell you. The word on the street is that he may not always honor his contracts. No one has sued. I think he writes good songs and remember when he was 21. I prefer diplomacy to "personality disorders".

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  9. (For my loyal readers, all 3 of you, the December 24th Anonymous isn't Beansie, who left all the comments afterwards. Yes, even the December 26th comment at 2:44 AM was from Beansie, who apparently spent all Christmas day formulating his fourth comment about Jason)

    How nice that your espionage fantasy includes both spys, and spies. Are the rookies spys, who graduate to become spies, or the other way around?

    You celebrated Christmas Eve with Eric? Did you exchange presents?

    For the record, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that Jason makes bad music.

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  10. Look at my bitch. He even has a pet name for me. Do you miss me after the ten minutes you knew me?

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  11. For everyone that can't follow what Beansie is reffering to, head on over to the original Margaret post:
    http://brokeindetroit.blogspot.com/2011/02/scenester-douchetard-of-week-margaret.html?showComment=1325581810052#c7042673616477623857

    Almost 200 comments up there now due to Beansie's obsessiveness. Scroll down to August 23rd to see where Beansie left 7 comments over a 7 hour period.

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  12. My seven comments aren't nearly as interesting as devoting your time over years to a blog that basically will wreck your personal goals. but hey. I'm flawed.

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  13. Two posts a month on average doesn't add up to that much time. You must be in agony just waiting for new posts from me. In between my infrequent posts, you'll just have to make do with your meth habit.

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