"I'm so retro I can time travel without a flux capacitor"
Bobby Harlow, your devotion to all things retro has got to be the strongest commitment the world has ever seen. You say “ahoy-hoy” whenever you answer the phone. You listen to all your music on a victrola. You do your taxes with an abacus. You buy all your shoes from the town cobbler. You only shave with Burma Shave products. You take your dates out to get “malteds”. You even wipe your ass with corn cobs. Buddhist monks will spend their whole lives trying to match that level of commitment.
So you once spent a whole year listening to nothing but the Beatles? Did it teach you that they cribbed from Chuck Berry, Everly Brothers, Harry Nilsson, Brian Wilson, Carl Perkins, Bob Dylan, Sun Ra, Little Richard, and John Coltrane? No? That’s shocking! Any chance you’ll spend a whole year listening to nothing but those acts?Bobby Harlow, for all these reasons and more, you are Broke in Detroit’s Scenester Douchetard of the Week.