Tuesday, June 29, 2010

All Good Things

The weekend before last I was devastated when I found out that I would have to pay $3 in order to get into the River Days Festival and see M.C. Hammer perform. If I’m going to make an ironic appearance to see a has-been in his parachute pants, I’m damn well not going to pay for it.

People of Detroit, this is a call to arms. Our free festivals are under assault. A calamity far worse than a $3 entrance fee to River Days has befallen us. There will no longer be a Cityfest (nae Tastefest). We should have seen this coming last year when Motor City Casino pulled its sponsorship, and we had to settle for the guy that created The Ghostbusters theme song instead of the lineups that we have grown accustomed to. Maybe the smelly hippie convention that came through town should have marched about that instead of protesting the lack of government subsidized Birkenstocks.

The New Center Council claims they are putting an end to Cityfest in favor of having small scale events through out the summer. I think a crumbling Comerica Bank on the brink of insolvency is pulling back on their sponsorships. They left for Dallas, leaving us with an atrophied Fourth of July weekend, and a gaping vacancy in our downtown skyline. Now in addition to all the banks that received bail out money from the government, I can no longer do any of my banking with Comerica.


For a moment, I’ll entertain the idea that it’s only possible to fund the Cityfest or the summer long mini events in the park. I have an idea for how Michael Solaka and the New Center Council can afford both. You’ve all probably noticed that at the main stage for Cityfest there was always a VIP section where the people inside received free booze. You would look around at the whole crowd, and notice that the VIP section accounted for about 25% of the people there to see the show, and that people on both sides of the barrier looked indistinguishable from one another. Really diminishes the VI in the VIP. Perhaps to cut down on costs, Michael Solaka shouldn’t give out VIP passes to everyone living within a mile of New Center, every employee and semi-regular patron of Nothern Lights Lounge, anyone who knows him by name, or the fanny-pack wearing guy running the $10 sunglasses booth.

We must rise up and save Detroit’s most precious Jewel. Add your own ideas for protest chants in the comments section.