Thursday, May 26, 2011

Deastro to be Nominated for a Nobel Peace Price


The military-industrial complex is shaking in its boots right now. For decades they profited by convincing generals, congressmen, and presidents to buy military hardware that wasn't needed, and was rarely used. They did it by stoking fear in the public about communists and the iron curtain, and now it's shifted over to muslims and terror babies.

That gravy train is about to grind to a halt. The Peace in the Middle East Rally is happening this Saturday at The Magic Stick, so get ready for that change we were all waiting for. Mick Bassett will play a song, and suddenly every congressmen will forget their pride and commit to voting against continued funding for the wars. The Rue Motor Counts will kick out a jam that will reach all the way to Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, who will then get down on their knees and beg to be forgiven for making intellectually dishonest arguments for going to war. The image of whatever awful outfit Woodman was wearing that night will make it all the way to the oval office, and it will inspire President Obama to finally make good on his promise and bring back all of our troops from Iraq.

It doesn't have to end there. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is visiting our country right now. He'll walk up those stairs to the Magic Stick, listen to the psychedelic sound of The Electric Lion Soundwave Experiment, then go out onto the Alley Deck, take a hit off of someone's joint and declare, "Fuck it. Let them have East Jerusalem. We'll stop building settlements in the West Bank too. I'm totally over all this strife bullshit. From now on all I want to do is get high, listen to some crunchy tunes, and bang American tourist girls who want to see the holy land. Yeah, I'll take them to the holy land alright."

4 comments:

  1. yeah, i read the fine print in fliers sometimes to

    -jr

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  2. Did I make fun of someone on the Jesus Chainsaw Immunity list?

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  3. To me? Not really. Although that "jr sucks" guy was probably salivating over the possibility of watching a flame war.

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