Thursday, December 1, 2011

Advisement and Warning


This Saturday Margaret Doll Rod will perform at New Dodge Lounge in Hamtramck. Opening for her are blah blah...some kind of cover charge...blah blah...starts at...whatever.

That's not what you need to know. You need to know what sort of behavior is expected of you if you attend.

Margaret's boobs are likely to be on display in some fashion. They probably won't be fully exposed, and there will be at least a small level of concealment. No matter how much of her boobs are exposed, you are not allowed to acknowledge their existence. If the jiggling gives someone in the audience motion sickness and they vomit, blame it on bad tacos. When a wardrobe malfunction causes more exposure of the boobs than intended, don't alert Margaret to it, because that would acknowledge that you looked at them. If you're smacked in the face by a swinging boob, don't even think of trying press charges for assault, because no else there will admit to seeing it.

This isn't difficult to understand. Just because someone went out of their way to be objectified, doesn't mean you're allowed to objectify them.

More than anything, don't try to tip Margaret in dollar bills while she's performing. She needs a bogus cover story about needing to pay for tuition before she's entitled to that.

24 comments:

  1. You have lost your mind and I am sincerely flattered.

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  2. How many women can say some guy will spend months convincing her that he was the most regrettable one night stand to date?? How many? So very flattering.

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  3. One night stand? I think I would remember that.

    I'm surprised that you didn't leave your comment at 3 AM like you usually do. Does this mean that all your meth dealers are currently locked up, forcing you to have an involuntary detox?

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  4. I thought it was forgettable myself as well, Jon. You repeatedly told me how awesome of a lover you were so I would assume you're fine. The meth comment=lazy and tells me you have moved on. Good. I want you to be happy. XO much love.

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  5. Creepy that you think you have an encyclopedic knowledge of your "best friend's" sexual history.

    You can't decide how my name is spelled.

    You side-step the issue of your all-night obsessive commenting, while once again taking a trip to the special olympics medal podium. Since you left your last comment at 4:42 AM, I guess you must have found another dealer.

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  6. I know how your name is spelled Jon, I was making a point of how little I know you. Listen, I get that you are trying to bluff your readers but here's the clincher. . I only told two people in one bar one of my secrets and you are still waving it around. Doing the math it's rather simple to figure out who you are. I told you this ages ago. I would think it would be weirder for your blog to never stay consistent but I have dealt with manipulators before, manipulators far smarter than you and I won.

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  7. Beansie, did you got lost and wander over to the other post? We're over here now. Try to stay focused.

    You with your conspiracy theories and espionage fantasies. I'm sure everyone is dying to know what secret you're talking about.

    Who did you win against? A fellow methhead in a game of jenga?

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  8. That sounds like one of your date nights. I prefer to crack my own jokes thank you.

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  9. I'm going to leave this window open just so that I can hear for months about it. . .maybe I'll get back to you tonight. . keep telling your readers about it. Do you have any??

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  10. and no, I am not retracing all the glorious times in your blog. I am leaving your window open to say . . you know where to find me, so . . nothing. Nothing. No matter how much I like bagging on your blog, drunk in the middle of the night, there is nothing here that matters. Not to me as a real person. It makes me sad even after all the laughing.

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  11. Margaret's adorable.

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  12. Say my Name (not literally). Merry Christmas dork. :P

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  13. Wow. Beansie, you were on here from 6 to almost 10AM on Christmas morning. Your existence must be far worse than I even imagined. Just so you know, 6:29AM is not the middle of the night.

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  14. leaving a window open and having insomnia actually has meaning to you. so fuking cute. oh wait, I'm the dumb one. thanks for the reminder. i'm too lazy to capitol letters. does that explain some odd part of my psyche?

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  15. After leaving your last comment at 4:06 AM, you then checked back here less than 4 hours later to check for a response. That's not insomnia, that's an obsession. Here's all the other times you came back to visit. (Web traffic monitoring is awesome!)
    Jan 3, 7:51 AM
    Jan 4, 3:43 AM
    Jan 5, 10:23 AM
    Jan 5, 1:29 PM
    Jan 5, 3:31 PM
    You don't need Sigmund Freud on hand to figure out what's going on with your psyche.

    Is spelling the word "fucking" even beyond your meager comprehension?

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  16. your name is John? I happened to think you were someone else entirely.

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  17. You're the one who "outed" me as Jon/John, and now you've managed to confuse yourself. Doesn't surprise me.

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  18. jesus. i'm still trying to figure out what place on this blog that you are a douche bag in now. wow. pathetic.

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  19. ^^^ Orville, I share this computer with someone else. That wasn't me. xo I looked at your shit, I don't obsess or have need. so, keep laughing at me smart guy.

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  20. After spending a very sad Christmas morning on this blog, you're not in a position to call anyone else pathetic. Your obsession was undeniable. Not buying your excuse.

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  21. after clocking minutes spent on your blog and double checking dates. yes, i have made it very clear that i care about your feelings and sometimes you worry me. I am not ashamed to care about you. If you would go so far to get my attention you will receive it. I have also been very open about that . Why are you concerned about how often I do or don't check on you?

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  22. Beansie, you're the #1 visitor to this site. No one else in the universe checks in here that often. Not even me. In fact, all the traffic you've directed to the Margaret post over the last year has made it the #8 result on Google.

    Your obsession must have people worried about your stability. How long until someone has to put on a benefit to raise money for your mental health?

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