Wednesday, December 21, 2011

You've Come a Long Way Baby

When The Hard Lessons have an advertisement on facebook promoting their upcoming show, is it a step forward, or a step back?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Casualties of War

Phil Cooley, owner of Slow's Barbeque, has suffered some setbacks this year. Other people are cashing in on elements of his business plan, which mostly consists of taking something simple, and giving it that aura of "hip".

One group of provocateurs realized that when Cooley cashed in on barbequed food and beer, that he left out two elements that often go along with them. Crude picnic tables and the open air involve very little investment. You also take out the hassle of food safety compliance, and you now have a bonafide moneymaker by the name of Tashmoo Biergarten (albeit, a seasonal one).

Competitors have also moved in on his simple business plan of selling barbequed food in relative proximity to big league sporting venues (so that people from even the most outlying suburbs will still feel safe), while cutting corners on the hipster douchebag elements. Other businesses hawking the same wares forced him to address his restaurant's long wait times. While those wait times added to Slow's mystique, they also caused would-be customers to look elsewhere, which meant losing out on potential sales.

Cooley won't tolerate all these indignities any longer. His first move has been to launch an electronic assault on one of his repeated tormentors.
Meander on over to, and you'll see that Cooley has employed cyber-mercenaries to invade and take over the site. The place that once mocked his grandeur will now direct people to his own site.

Now where am I supposed to go to get my fix of the "[he who must not be name] invented ___" catchphrase?

You don't have to worry about this humble site falling victim to a similar attack. I've got top notch cyber defenses in place.

Monday, December 12, 2011

High Standards

Steve Nawara's Beehive Recording Company recently celebrated it's achievements with a formal ball at The Gaelic League in Corktown. Chris Handyside, writer for Metro Times, was there, and he astutely summed up the attendees:
"These weren't Williamsburg-style, trust-funded hipsters or trend-chasing fashion victims simply making the scene."
(published in the Metro Times on November 30th, 2011)
The entryways were closely guarded to keep those types out. There was no chance of an asshat who keeps his scarf on when he's indoors like this guy getting in.

If you still doubt Handyside's assessment of that night's crowd, you simply need to look over some of the photos from that night. Clearly there is no pervasive theme or style throughout the majority of attendees that would denote even a hint of trend-chasing.

Well done Handyside, well done.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Christmas Comes Early

Want to celebrate someone's birthday, but feel like paying $7 for the privilege of doing so? Then come to Stirling's birthday bash tomorrow. It's happening at El Club on Vernor, near Scotten. If you weren't already annoyed by all the white, hipper-than-thou assholes ruining the authenticity of Cafe D'Mongo's, then it's time for you to try El Club.

Now if only one of my five readers would so kind as to show up at this party and report back to me on the color of Stirling's pants for the evening, I'd consider it an early Christmas present.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Advisement and Warning

This Saturday Margaret Doll Rod will perform at New Dodge Lounge in Hamtramck. Opening for her are blah blah...some kind of cover charge...blah blah...starts at...whatever.

That's not what you need to know. You need to know what sort of behavior is expected of you if you attend.

Margaret's boobs are likely to be on display in some fashion. They probably won't be fully exposed, and there will be at least a small level of concealment. No matter how much of her boobs are exposed, you are not allowed to acknowledge their existence. If the jiggling gives someone in the audience motion sickness and they vomit, blame it on bad tacos. When a wardrobe malfunction causes more exposure of the boobs than intended, don't alert Margaret to it, because that would acknowledge that you looked at them. If you're smacked in the face by a swinging boob, don't even think of trying press charges for assault, because no else there will admit to seeing it.

This isn't difficult to understand. Just because someone went out of their way to be objectified, doesn't mean you're allowed to objectify them.

More than anything, don't try to tip Margaret in dollar bills while she's performing. She needs a bogus cover story about needing to pay for tuition before she's entitled to that.