Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Regurgitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

This idea of posting links doesn't work well if I slack off. Good thing I don't do this for a living.

A while back Laura did her own take on a piece Esquire did called  "75 Albums Every Man Should Own". She did it better, so don't bother reading what Esquire wrote.

So first Detroit was called a new hipster capital, and the hipsters' response was, "Detroit is all played out now, let's leave". A recently published list of "America's Best Cities for Hipsters" doesn't mention Detroit at all. They came up with a list of 35 cities, and with much relief, we were spared. Naturally this means that Detroit is the only place left with hipster cred, so they'll all start coming back again.

The Metrotimes put out their Best of Detroit issue, and it has more than enough bullshit to make you vomit all over your keyboard. (I warned you, so continue reading at your own risk)
"For a while now the Loving Touch has been something of a scenester's hub — we say that lovingly."
What a brilliant way to state an obvious truth, while still doing enough ass-kissing to keep the advertising dollars coming in. Does that place still have to reset the circuit breaker whenever they try to power a sound system?
"Slows Bar BQ is out 'cause it's packed with overfed baseball fans from Howell."
Yeah, it's that uncool crowd all wearing similar sports apparel that ruins the place. Blame them, not the other crowd of people all wearing transparently self-conscious faux-bohemian styles that are there on all the other nights.
"The WAB is the punk rock Cheers." "With the Loving Touch nearby, the vibe of the whole place is very punk rock in the sense that it's inviting and warm like a UK local..."
The WAB is about as punk rock as The Gap. Anything that's inviting isn't punk.

I can't stop myself from piling on the Metrotimes. Michael Jackman wrote a scathing rebuke of a piece that Details Magazine did about Detroit. The original article ends with a list of five Corktown businesses to check out. Three of them are on the same block, and are either owned by the Cooleys, or have their space rented to them by the Cooleys. A fourth is just across the street. An article truly worthy of scorn, and since Details isn't local, the Metrotimes staff doesn't piss themselves when they so much as contemplate printing the rebuke. Of course they still have to kiss the asses of the local people that were mentioned.

Graffiti artists from around the country are starting to converge here. They're attracted by the lowered likelihood of arrest, and the surplus of neglected buildings. We can now see what the kids are trying to imitate, and we're starting to get new murals. Will there be a race to cut them out of the walls? Will the people living right next to it be able to tolerate art tourists?

8 comments:

  1. Hey fuck nut – why don’t you move already.

    Bla Bla Bla … Why don’t you pick on the ad agencies where your friends work that print, produce and sell more bull shit than MT ever will?

    When are you going to get it through your immensely thick skull – MT is a fluff paper with fluff articles and fluff record review and fluff venue reviews so they can sell advertising and give the locals a list of what going on in the city.

    Get over it dude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They keep putting real journalism (and attempts at real journalism) in between the hydroponics ads:
      http://metrotimes.com/mmj/court-ruling-hasn-t-cleared-the-air-1.1308870
      http://metrotimes.com/news/detroit-police-duck-and-cover-1.1308880
      http://metrotimes.com/news/detroit-public-schools-suspensions-of-disbelief-1.1308882
      http://metrotimes.com/columns/numbers-games-1.1304904

      Until the Metrotimes realizes that they're just fluff like Real Detroit, it's fair game.

      As for ad agencies, I'll get to them. In the mean time, don't forget to sign off on your comments, "jr sucks" guy.

      Delete
  2. the only reason i come here anymore is for amy gore tumblr links.

    -jr

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't believe I forgot about Amy Gore. I hope this helps:
      http://thisisamygore.tumblr.com/post/22561194368
      http://thisisamygore.tumblr.com/post/22560602798/nickdrake-kate-moss (NSFW)
      http://thisisamygore.tumblr.com/post/20824201435/double-bacon-genius-burger-the-amazing-debra

      Delete
    2. Links for Jesus...

      http://blogs.metrotimes.com/index.php/2012/05/city-slang-two-days-left-on-amy-gore-appeal/

      http://blogs.metrotimes.com/index.php/2012/05/city-slang-dma-thoughts/

      http://blogs.metrotimes.com/index.php/2012/04/city-slang-amy-gore-and-jack-white-news/

      CAUTION! GACK ALERT:

      "if there has to be a star, it was undoubtedly Amy Gore... There are few songwriters not just in Detroit but in the world right now who can write songs as fun, gritty and downright dance-worthy as Gore."

      Now that's fucking funny!!!! Not sure why the M-Times found it necessary to import a historically-challenged limey hack to inform the natives as to what's what on the Detroit (lack of) scene but this guy breathlessly panting while sniffing G's derrier has officially made the Metro my favorite can't-wait-to-not read weekly. If there's anyone who loves The Amy more than herself it has to be this Callwood wanker. Get a fucking room already.

      Delete
  3. I think BJ should have a letter written in his behalf to MT specifically to Brett Callwood crying that his free press wasn't good enough. I mean really, I forget what major celebrities you are and we need MT to keep telling us.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's not my fault that a music reviewer couldn't figure out what a split single is.

    -jr

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's not my fault you can't figure out that music reviewers aren't here to serve you. You have to not suck for them to care.

    ReplyDelete