Monday, October 1, 2012

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The Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles was named "America's Best Hipster Neighborhood". Now all the hipsters there will declare it to be played out, and look for other places to infest. Detroit was one of the few major cities left off of the list, thereby giving Detroit more hipster cred. We should expect more hipsters to start migrating here as a result. Let's form our own Minute Man militia to guard the Michigan border.

Vice Magazine can't talk about Detroit without mentioning Slow's BBQ. Instead of drawing this out for years, can we just have all the New York city based publications get their fascination with Slow's out of the way? We can host a big media conference, and all of those reporters can line up to suck Phil Cooley's dick.

Brett Callwood finally had the chance to review the new album by the object of his desire, Amy Gore. In a shocking twist, he utterly despised it, and listening to the whole album caused him immense suffering. From the second the first song start, he couldn't stop vomiting. During the third song, all the hair on his head and body fell out chemo-style. Before the fifth song ended he had uncontrollable rectal bleeding. We don't know when he lapsed into a coma, but his coworkers found him slumped over his desk with large puffy scabs where his ears used to be.

If you have some free time, send some ex-lax laden pastries to Saginaw Correctional Facility.

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